My three-year-old lies. A lot.
I noticed this when it comes to watching the television. Every time I ask her how long it has been since she started watching, she has the same answer: "It's just been a minute." If I ask her whether she has seen any television since the morning, the response is the same. "No", said with a very straight face and eyes brimming with confidence. And yes, she has already had her screen-time quota since the morning.
She also plays the confident stare to perfection. You know, when you look into someone's eyes just long enough when you think they are lying and know they will crack if you continue giving them the stare.
Not sure how, but she has perfected this. My questioning stare is met with an equally confident and calm stare right back at me. Not sure where and how she picked up this tactic that took me years to figure out.
For a while, I wondered whether I am raising a tiny con artist. Should I be worried? Where did we go wrong? And this led to me researching this topic.
Turns out, there is nothing to worry about. In fact, the exact opposite may be true.
The Good News: Your Child's Lies Are Probably a Sign Their Brain Is Growing
Until about age three, children largely assume everyone experiences the world the way they do. Then something remarkable happens. They realise that other people have different thoughts, beliefs and knowledge.
When my daughter said that it has only "been a minute" since she has been watching the television, she isn't simply being naughty. She's demonstrating that she understands you may not know what she knows. In other words, she has discovered that information can be hidden.
Ironically, the ability to lie is one of the first signs that a child is developing the same mental skills that will later help them empathise, negotiate friendships and understand emotions.
They're Constantly Experimenting With Their World
Three-year-olds don't just experiment with toys and crayons. They experiment with people.
What happens if I say that it was just a minute of television? What if I blame the dog?
These so-called lies aren't deliberate attempts to deceive. Their imagination is exploding at this stage, often blending reality with fantasy. But deception is not the reason behind it.
They Want To Stay Out Of Trouble (And Make You Happy)
Children very quickly figure out that there is a pattern which makes you happy, and unhappy.
"Did you brush your teeth?" Yes: approval, a smile. No: disapproval, a frown. "Did you hit your sibling?" No: approval, a smile. Yes: disapproval, a frown.
Different answers get the same reaction and make my parent happy? Now, that's interesting. So the next time your toddler lies, just keep in mind that they aren't trying to avoid punishment. They are simply trying to win your approval. Appreciate the rationale here.
So Should I Continue To Let My Child Lie?
Your goal is not to stop the lie. Your goal is to teach them that the truth is actually safe.
So the next time your three-year-old insists that she only watched "one minute" of television or something similar, take a deep breath before you jump to any conclusions.
Yes, correct the behaviour, and yes, do teach honesty. But do not mistake a developmental milestone for a character flaw. Do keep in mind that your child is not intentionally lying.
They are learning how the mind works, how relationships deepen, and how people respond to them. The greatest reassurance for parents is not to raise kids who don't lie. That's simply unrealistic. The goal is to raise a child who feels safe enough to tell you the truth, especially when it is difficult.
And that lesson does not begin with punishment. Instead, it begins with trust.
